Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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