I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
