im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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