Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
