Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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