Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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