so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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