Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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