i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
