Duck Duck Cougar?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
