Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
