I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
