Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
