Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
