I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
