are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
