I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
