I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
