Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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