i jhust puked up my retainher.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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