Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
