Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Acid is not a monday night drug
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
