Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize