Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
