Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize