She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
