She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
