dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
