fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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