He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Randomize
