i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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