Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
