She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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