I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
