His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
