You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
