Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
