Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
