she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
