four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
