Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
