I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
