OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
