Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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