You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
