chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
