Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
