Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize