You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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