It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
