this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
