I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
