WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Do vagina's smell?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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