He uses pillows to masturbate.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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