I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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