I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
