He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
