Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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