I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
