i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
