I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
