Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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