I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
