He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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