My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
